The Most Common Lies People Tell Their Matchmakers

"Everyone lies to their matchmaker," said Angela Torres, without a hint of judgment. "Not maliciously, usually. But they all do it. My job is part matchmaker, part detective — figuring out the gap between what clients tell me and what is actually true."

I asked a dozen matchmakers to share the most common lies they encounter. Their answers were candid, sometimes funny, and always illuminating.

Lie #1: "I Am Over My Ex"

The tell: They bring up the ex constantly, either to criticize or idealize them. "A client told me she was 'completely over' her ex-husband. In the same conversation, she mentioned him eleven times. I counted," Torres recalled.

Why it matters: Clients still emotionally entangled with an ex cannot fully engage with a new match. "It is like trying to pour water into a cup that is already full," said Robert Cheng.

Lie #2: "Age Doesn't Matter to Me"

The tell: They say age does not matter, then reject every match who is over or under a specific threshold. "A male client told me he was open to women of any age. I introduced him to a brilliant, beautiful 48-year-old. He was 51. He said, 'She seemed older than her age.' She looked exactly her age. He wanted someone who looked 35."

Lie #3: "I Am Looking for Something Serious"

The tell: They cancel dates at the last minute, do not follow up after good dates, or admit after several months that they are not sure they want a relationship at all. "Some people hire a matchmaker the way they join a gym in January," said Denise Carroll. "They want to want a relationship."

> "The most expensive lie a client can tell is 'I am ready for a relationship' when they are not. It wastes everyone's time and money." — Robert Cheng

Lie #4: "I Am [X Height/Weight/Age]"

The tell: The client shows up looking notably different from their described self. "I had a client who claimed to be 5'11". He was 5'8" on a good day. His date noticed immediately. The date was not ruined because of the height. It was ruined because of the lie."

Lie #5: "Money Is Not Important to Me"

The tell: They express indifference about a match's financial situation, then ask pointed questions that are all proxies for income. "A client told me she did not care about money. Then she rejected a match because he 'seemed like he would not be comfortable at a nice restaurant,'" Carroll said.

Lie #6: "My Friends/Family Won't Be Involved"

The tell: They bring friends to pre-date scouting missions or make decisions based on group opinions. "A client told me she was 'fully independent.' After her first match, she sent me feedback from a group text with her four best friends."

Lie #7: "I Have Done the Work on Myself"

The tell: They use therapy vocabulary but their behavior does not match. "Some clients have learned the language without doing the work," Carroll said. "Knowing you have an avoidant attachment style and actually changing how you show up in a relationship are two very different things."

What Matchmakers Want

The universal plea: just tell the truth.

"I am not here to judge you," Torres said. "I am here to find you a partner. But I can only do that if I know the real you — not the version you wish you were."

"The clients who are brutally honest with me from day one get the best results," Cheng agreed. "Not because honesty is a virtue — although it is — but because honesty gives me accurate information, and accurate information leads to better matches."